A Day of Friends

Hello Everyone, Ron here.

I’ve got a few things on my mind, and some things to say about each and every one, but they seem to be still stirring around, just out of grasp or articulation. 

Bear with me, please, I feel a ‘ramble’ coming on. 

Although I’m quite sure it’s a bit complicated right now, and needs to be contemplated before it becomes clear, kinda like a firm grip on mashed potatoes, I’m confident, or maybe deluded, that what comes out of it will be meaningful somehow.

In any case, I’ve gotten started with it; confirmed by watching my fingers across the keyboard as I absently ponder these random thoughts.

Let’s call this a day of friends.

I sit here occasionally trying to keep up with, gain/share insight from/to, people who’s name bring some recollection and reflections of my roots, my growth, and my existence today on that thing they call FaceBook.

I got to thinking about it; the time involved, the benefits, the drawbacks and so on…

To me, it gets a bit frustrating.  You see I’m still using my high-powered laptop bought back in 2003 (top of the line then), packed full of high-end video with a true-color backlit LCD screen (it even has an RCA jack for video connection for presentation purposes), an unheard of 512M of memory and 18 Gig hard-drive, DVD player, 1.44M floppy drive, 2 Universal Serial Bus connections, infrared, modem, built-in 100Mbs Network Interface Card, 2 PCMCIA Card-Bus slots, all powered by the new Celeron processor.

In other words, it crawls when trying to keep up with all the fat programming and cool features on the World Wide Web today; not to mention the security programs & patches.

(I’ll get back to the friends thing in a minute: More with the techo-babble for now, I think I’m getting closer to a point soon with it)

To give you a little background, I’m a computer guy; Hardware/Network technician and Networking/Security Engineer for over 18 years, not counting the last decade or so.

On this high-powered rig I’ve got two network sniffers, two network scanners, four web browsers with numerous plug-ins, three HTML editors not including Word, a couple of virus/spyware scanners (I highly recommend Ad-Aware by Lavasoft [still using the free version], a plethora of utilities for this and that, three operating systems as well as many current and historical documents and photos.

I’m thinking that it’s probably a good thing that I haven’t spent that $400 for a new Toshiba Satellite rig.  If I had, I would be surely suffering from information overload.

You too then could possibly be overwhelmed as I’d be at full-speed, without the buffer of this machine making me wait.

And waiting I do.  Good thing though, gives me pause to consider whether the information I’m trying to acquire is worth the wait and necessary as well as if what I’m about to put out there is good and beneficial: Kinda like a built-in ‘engage brain before opening mouth’ tool.  [But, as you can see/read, it’s not entirely fool proof.]

{Back to that ‘friend’s day thing’ as promised, and how it’s somehow related to the above}

In my consideration of the grand scheme of things, I consider how I, and others around me occupy themselves and spend time.

I have friends that don’t use the computer much, and aren’t tied to their cell phones, and friends who’s computer is their cell phone and with them all the time. 

I watch and note as people together are semi-isolated collectively, giving almost all attention to their FB/social media devices, and still manage to come near to a full conversation when prodded.

A couple of friends of mine routinely stop by my motel room for a couple of hours in the evening to hang out & watch a movie or TV.  I find it notable and nearly humorous that while we’re together they are tuned to their Android devices and me to my computer.

One of us will ask “FaceBook?”, the other(s) will nod, while finishing the absorbing or sharing, whichever is currently occupying the front part of their attention while the boob-tube rattles in the background struggling for top billing. 

I ask “What’s going on?” as we don’t all have all the same friend lines.   I got a real chuckle out of one response: “Oh you know FecesBook, same ‘ol shit”.  Yet nearly instantly, like a cat’s attention to a laser-pointer, full attention is right back at it.  After a few moments, the device is put down, almost guiltily, as if actual conversation while together had been set-aside in error.

Goodness knows that recently, I’ve put quite a bit on FB; sharing other’s inspirational, humorous, societal, and sometimes political picture posts. Occasionally I do share an original thought or two, many of them a bit too long-winded or chimed-in almost obtrusively.

In any case, I have decided that even with the monitoring and social engineering risks, tools like FB are indeed valuable.

Today I visited with friends on many levels. 

A close high-school friend who I hadn’t seen face to face in nearly 30 years got in touch with me while he was in town and stopped by the shop and rode around the course with me.  They don’t live that far away and we’re planning for beers & BBQ soon.

Another friend who’s meeting is more recent as neighbors in Waterman came up to see me and talk about a project they want to get done on their home. I also got a compliment/encouragement regarding my writings here as well.

Yet another long-time friend will be passing by this way soon on their trip from Florida to Minnesota and we’ve tentatively set-up a dinner together on the pass-through.

Others dropped by with a plate of their Easter dinner today, and I went to breakfast with yet another.

On top of all that, I have laughed, been encouraged, saw beauty in words and photos, felt another’s concerns, shared some of my own, been spurred to see the world through a different viewpoint, been listened to and thought of both deeply and casually, and generally been included as a part of this human existence as I’ve tried to do the same for others around me both near and far.

No, things like FB are not either bad or good inherently: It’s the value you find and share while utilizing (or not) tools like it, or the telephone, or the post office, or eye-contact and courteous hello (or not) as you pass by that decide that.

Yes, today was a day of friends; and now it’s a new day.  I hope to make each day a day of friends, whether I’ve not yet met them or have known them for years.

Take care everyone.

Still Ron here…

Sometimes (, I continually wonder).

I put a few words up yesterday (today?).

I mentioned that I'd break-out, separate, a bit o' writing from a while ago.
Here it is:

Sometimes,

I continuously wonder.

How it is possible

to see beyond the looking glass?

It's as if that all we have to do

 is take a brief moment to care,

 then, if we are aware we can see,

if only for a brief moment,

far into someone else's

reflection.

And somehow we are puzzled,

and stop in a moment of disbelief,

to ponder and calculate

 why it cannot be that easy

to see ourselves

until far after the damage is done.

How is it that we only have hindsight?

Spectacular 20/20 vision;

and then,

pretend we knew all along.

Is it hope?

Or is it simply desire,

hiding the things we know,

 from ourselves?

Or is it somehow,

mysteriously,

both?

As best as I can figure it is this…

Shine a bright light into the looking glass

and all you see is light.

Stare at the glass in total darkness,

and that is all you see.

Someday,

with joyous pain,

we will determine

 what we already knew was there.

But yet, we can't help to wonder,

if we are ever really ready to know.

And that's what real friends are really for;

 A brief glimmer in the dark, or shade in the blinding light.

Somehow, they are on the other side of the looking glass

and yet beside us at the same time.

Curiously seeing us, while looking for themselves.

Now What Am I to Do? - Historical

Here's another pulled from the archives...

This was from years back, Recovery of Y2k Connecting.
Sometimes connection includes losses, some great; then again, when I consider it now...

Hey Heather,
Remember me mentioning the 'VERY difficult' time?
Well this is from an important one in between then & now.

It's a bit dark: Ok though, I got through it.

----------------

Fresh thoughts of the day in a few moments, something current, today.
It was a good day. I promise to share my take on it soon.

---------------

Writing of past:

Now what am I to do? 

Quandary is not the proper word.  Turmoil doesn’t quite fit either, and anguish is too strong.

My life is nearly in pieces, no it IS in pieces.  Shattered all around me

“It would show that you had some pride left.”

“Fresh Out”

“I’m not the one who hates you; you’re the one who hates you”

“And I get to live with myself 24/7”

Once one’s self worth is depleted, how can it be returned?

Once you completely give up and say “Fuck it all”, how do you return from that?

I know, I’ve done it before.  You just keep moving, but if you don’t have anyone to help you with a direction, you just keep going in circles and end up sitting in the same place wishing for destruction.

Where am I now?  Sitting? Standing, walking, running?

“I’m six feet from the edge and suddenly six feet doesn’t seem so far down”

Before, once I could breathe again, work was my salvation; buried myself in it once I got off the phones and back into what I do best.  Now there is no work, no automatic motivation; things to do if you just show up on time, there is nothing, and it’s hard to keep moving.

This is one of the things that I was deeply afraid of.  I seemed to be OK when it was just me here.  No, I was ok on most all levels, because I had removed certain levels from my life, which was sure to end anyway.

Then came you, sweeping into me, making me feel again.  When did I let my guard down?

Until you, I knew I was utterly alone; then you, then I found out that I hadn’t really faced the realization of what utterly alone meant.  I had purposely killed that part of me which needs anything; supplicated it with things that couldn’t affect me, and ‘good times’.

Well, now I’m affected, and close to the point of giving up entirely; run to the woods and leave everything behind, convincing myself that there wasn’t anything there I really cared about anyway.  Ready again to die alone and hoping that it’s soon.

I cannot let you go, but I cannot have you either; maybe it is closer to anguish than I thought.

Vocabulary, Reflections, & this Writing Thing

It's been quite some time, seems like a couple of decades, since I've utilized this forum.
Life changes quickly sometimes.

I was a bit confused when my stats say I last published on 11/18/2011, and I can't seem to recall or see anything since 9/4.  Like I said, it's been quite some time.

I'm not quite sure yet what the topic or subject/title-line for today is yet; just felt like writing and have recently been encouraged to do so.

Most of the times when I feel like writing, I reserve.
As is stated in the header/introduction, "this may not be a good idea".


My concern is not that I will offend anyone; that's never my intention.
(Somehow it seems I  to do that without any intent at all.)

Back to my concern:
 Words are dangerous.

Thoughts are great. Feelings are more than OK too.
But words, yo buddy!  Gotta be careful with that vocabulary thing.

You see, the meaning of words are a lot like perceptions.
One can almost be assured that another is seeing what you see while beside you, having the same vantage point, understanding, while standing there looking, while having a conversation about what's visible & remarkable.  That assurance is only faith. Faith in vocabulary and the proper use of words, and of course, understanding itself.


If both stood there in silence, observing the remarkable without remarking, enjoying the togetherness in observation, both would remember the moment, the observation or view, in a comfortable feeling.

Maybe each would spend that moment considering themselves, or possibly the other, and the other's  perception.
But that really wouldn't matter, because it wasn't shared, just thought.  The only matter would be when words were used; the interaction.


I'm not even convinced that my concerns in writing are founded.  I'm not sure if they (concerns/reluctance) are for me, or the reader/hearer.  I don't wish to offend, but I don't want to be misunderstood either.
Words are dangerous, but I can't seem to get over my enthusiasm to use them succinctly; to connect & understand or portray.


Some concern comes from the turmoil around us, the difficulties, the news headlines, the economy, the politics, the opinions.  I've got all of the above & don't want the soapbox.  I just want to reflect my observations, and really, that's what they are, observations & things to consider.

Another MAJOR concern is that I am just too exposed, too open.  I should, most times, not let people see into my core being, the reality of me. That's not the way the world really works. Gotta keep a stiff upper-lip, appearances & all that, BE somebody.  (I know Ron & he's definitely not nobody, unless your counting Caesar's coins.)

Being too exposed & open is not necessarily a bad thing; in fact, I tend to think society needs to do just that.
Gotta get our heads outta the sand, or TV, Facebook, or whatever & look around.  Reality is everywhere & shouldn't be avoided.  Honesty & Reality are the keys to this crisis. (notice I didn't say 'Brutal Honesty' or 'Stark Reality'? Still gotta consider the human condition)


Back to communication, perceptions & reflections...

While I was sitting here watching my fingers on the keyboard & considering words, I recalled a writing I did some years ago.  Surprisingly, I quickly found it.  It should probably be a separate post, but I'll including it here for a bit of better understanding as to what I'm trying to get at; I'll post it separately in a few days.

The header of this work is:

Copyright  June, 2003; First Serial Rights, Ron Gedye  - In the mist of the fog, can you still see me? [ For my Friend; I see you.]


and the footer:

Unauthorized publication for profit or personal claim in any form or manner whatsoever is wholly prohibited without express written permission of the author. 

Duplication and distribution of complete and unaltered document image only (document creation must be method obscured) is permitted for general public use in accordance to the provisions contained herein.  Share, think and enjoy.

(guess I kinda did this about writing seriously at one time or another...)

Here's the thought/writing, enjoy & consider:

Sometimes,

I continuously wonder.

How it is possible

to see beyond the looking glass?

It's as if that all we have to do

 is take a brief moment to care,

 then, if we are aware we can see,

if only for a brief moment,

far into someone else's

reflection.

And somehow we are puzzled,

and stop in a moment of disbelief,

to ponder and calculate

 why it cannot be that easy

to see ourselves

until far after the damage is done.

How is it that we only have hindsight?

Spectacular 20/20 vision;

and then,

pretend we knew all along.

Is it hope?

Or is it simply desire,

hiding the things we know,

 from ourselves?

Or is it somehow,

mysteriously,

both?

As best as I can figure it is this…

Shine a bright light into the looking glass

and all you see is light.

Stare at the glass in total darkness,

and that is all you see.

Someday,

with joyous pain,

we will determine

 what we already knew was there.

But yet, we can't help to wonder,

if we are ever really ready to know.

And that's what real friends are really for;

 A brief glimmer in the dark, or shade in the blinding light.

Somehow, they are on the other side of the looking glass

and yet beside us at the same time.

Curiously seeing us, while looking for themselves.

I hope you enjoy my use of words and the reflections.  I'll try to line this thing out & be here more often; just please don't misunderstand me or find offense. It'll never be my intention to hurt or offend, not even observe & report; more like consider & reflect.


Thanks Gina & Jennifer for your compliments.  Hope you don't mind that I've take them as words of encouragement. Either way, I appreciate the reflection.